


Ghosts

by chainsawdog



Series: Order Abandoned [11]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 09:59:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6901291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chainsawdog/pseuds/chainsawdog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anakin is trying to control his emotions - his jealousy of Satine, and his fear of losing his loved ones. Obi-Wan tries to help, to no avail. When Anakin leaves the Temple to cool down, Obi-Wan turns to Padmé for help. Yet Anakin is drawn to a place he's been before, by a voice he recognises. As Anakin investigates, he realises there's something more sinister at work in the Republic than he'd imagined. </p><p>Set after Voyage of Temptation.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Anakin told himself he wasn't actually jealous of Satine. He had found Obi-Wan’s resentment of the Duchess amusing, and reassuring. He had enjoyed teasing Obi-Wan about his past relationship with Satine, as well.  
  
Anakin shared his quarters with Obi-Wan. More than that, Obi-Wan had admitted his love for _Anakin_ , not Satine. Obi-Wan was his, and his alone.  
  
“So…” Anakin trailed a hand along the desk in Obi-Wan’s room. They had returned to the Temple, and Obi-Wan was sitting on his bed, in his pyjamas. “What _did_ happen between you and Satine?”  
  
Obi-Wan sighed. “Anakin, that’s hardly any of your business.”  
  
They were both tired. It had been a long trip.  
  
“Perhaps we should talk about your actions regarding Senator Merrik,” Obi-Wan added, watching Anakin carefully.  
  
Anakin sat on the desk, and shrugged. Looking at Obi-Wan, he said, “I did what I had to. You and Satine weren’t going to do anything about it.”  
  
“Anakin, you killed the man in cold blood.”  
  
Swinging his legs a little, Anakin looked away from Obi-Wan. “I did what I had to,” he repeated. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected from this conversation.  
  
“Anakin…” Obi-Wan’s shoulders slumped. “I’m tired,” he said. “Now’s not the time.”  
  
“I can’t change what I did, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said quietly. He looked at Obi-Wan, his gaze steely. “I heard what you said.”  
  
Obi-Wan raised his eyebrows. He did look tired.  
  
“Your comm,” Anakin explained. “Satine… she told you she loved you.”  
  
“And?” Obi-Wan said.  
  
Quietly, cautiously, Anakin asked, “Would you?”  
  
“Would I what, Anakin?”  
  
Anakin’s expression was almost unreadable. Obi-Wan knew him too well by this point not to see the fear in the Anakin’s eyes.  
  
“Would you have left me? For her?”  
  
Obi-Wan got up from the bed and walked over to Anakin. He sat down on the table beside him, and put his arm around Anakin. Anakin rested his head against Obi-Wan’s shoulder.  
  
“No,” said Obi-Wan. “I would choose you, Anakin.”  
  
Anakin pulled Obi-Wan into a tight hug, pressing his forehead against Obi-Wan’s. “Thank you,” he said, and there were tears in his eyes.  
  
“Are you planning on sleeping in your robes?” Obi-Wan asked, after a moment.  
  
Anakin smiled sadly. He pulled his boots off as Obi-Wan moved to his bed. Anakin hopped off the table, stripping down to his underwear, then joined Obi-Wan beneath the covers. He cuddled up against Obi-Wan’s back, draping his arm around the other man and breathing in his scent. Obi-Wan was warm, and his presence comforting. He always smelled good to Anakin, whether or not he was clean. Obi-Wan’s hair was soft and fluffy, and smelled faintly of spices. Anakin took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly, watching the hair on the back of Obi-Wan’s neck rise.  
  
Truthfully, Anakin felt no remorse about killing Merrik. He knew he couldn’t tell Obi-Wan that. Obi-Wan wouldn’t understand.  
  
“Obi-Wan,” he said quietly.  
  
“Hm?”  
  
Anakin propped himself up on his elbow so he could look into Obi-Wan’s eyes.  
  
“I love you,” he said.  
  
Obi-Wan glanced up at him, puzzled. “I love you, too, Anakin,” he said. “What’s this about?”  
  
“It’s not about anything,” Anakin said. He leaned down to kiss Obi-Wan, lingering for a moment, his thumb caressing Obi-Wan’s cheek. When he pulled back, he said, “It’s just nice to hear.”  
  
“I’m sure it has nothing to do with Satine,” Obi-Wan mumbled.  
  
Anakin felt a flare of annoyance. “So what if it does?” he snapped.  
  
Obi-Wan turned his face, burying it in the pillow. “Never mind, Anakin.” His voice was muffled, but Anakin heard him clearly enough.  
  
Anakin sat up, and rolled Obi-Wan over so he could look at his face. “No, Obi-Wan,” he said. “I… you said you’d choose me. But that doesn’t mean you don’t love her.”  
  
“Anakin, let it go,” Obi-Wan said. “We can talk about this more in the morning, if you’re still obsessing over it.”  
  
“Obsessing?” Anakin sat back, fuming. “I’m not _obsessing_ , Obi-Wan, I’m –”  
  
“Holding onto a subject and turning it over in your mind to a point where it becomes almost painful, but you’re unable to let go of it?” Obi-Wan watched Anakin carefully as he spoke, aware that he was pushing Anakin. He did not fear the boy. Obi-Wan knew well enough now that Anakin would not hurt him, not again. The risk of losing Obi-Wan – potentially Padmé and Ahsoka, too – was too great. Slowly, Anakin was learning control.  
  
Anakin flopped back, his arms spread wide over the pillows. Obi-Wan turned to rest his head on Anakin’s chest, his beard scratching Anakin’s bare skin. Anakin sighed.  
  
“I do love you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said quietly, tracing his finger down Anakin’s arm. “I’m not supposed to. But I do.”  
  
Anakin trailed his fingers through Obi-Wan’s hair. “I know,” he said. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry I’m not the person – the Jedi – that I should be.”  
  
Obi-Wan cuddled closer to Anakin. “You are simply you, Anakin,” he said. “Neither of us can be any less or more than what we are.”  
  
Anakin glanced down at him.  
  
“What does that mean?” Anakin asked.  
  
“That you are what you’re meant to be,” Obi-Wan replied quietly. He breathed out heavily, his breath tickling Anakin’s skin. He rested his hand beside his head, on Anakin’s solid chest.  
  
“But I should be better,” Anakin said. “I should –”  
  
“Anakin, really,” said Obi-Wan. “You’re fine as you are.”  
  
“You can’t know that,” said Anakin. He was thinking of all the thoughts that he couldn’t control. Of the delight he took in destruction. His anger and hatred and fear that he had been told would lead him to the dark side. The fact that he didn’t feel guilty about killing Tal Merrik.  
  
“You don’t…”  
  
There was a silence.  
  
“Don’t what, Anakin?”  
  
Anakin sat up, and moved away from Obi-Wan to sit at the edge of the bed. Obi-Wan sat up, but Anakin wasn’t looking at him. Anakin leaned forward, his hands on his knees. Obi-Wan moved to sit beside him, placing a hand on Anakin’s bare back. Anakin shrugged his hand away, and Obi-Wan looked at him, worry clear from his furrowed brows and wide eyes.  
  
“You don’t understand,” Anakin said quietly. “I’m so angry, Obi-Wan, all the time. I shouldn’t be! I should be better.” He clutched the edge of the bed with his mechanical hand.  
  
“Why?” asked Obi-Wan. “What are you angry about?”  
  
Anakin looked at Obi-Wan, a hard glint in his eyes. “Just… everything,” he said quietly. “You remember what… what I told you about Mom?”  
  
Obi-Wan looked away. “Yes,” he said. “I remember.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As it's not clear in the fic itself, I wanted to clarify that Obi-Wan (while flirtatious with a lot of people) is gay rather than bisexual, and his "relationship" with Satine was part of him finding that out about himself. That doesn't mean he didn't love her, but it wasn't romantic like he thought. Satine is bisexual and was truly in love with Obi-Wan.


	2. Chapter 2

Despite the terror Anakin felt at the prospect of losing Obi-Wan, he had confessed his love to Obi-Wan. Despite the loyalty Obi-Wan felt for the Order, he had returned that love to Anakin. It was unprecedented.  
  
Anakin still didn’t believe it had happened. He, Padmé, and Obi-Wan – together. It was something he’d only dreamed of. He didn’t know how to put into words the love that he felt for the two of them.  
  
All consuming, certainly. Red hot – a flame that would never go out. Brilliant golden light and gentle breeze; the smell of a lake on Naboo. Fierce, but quiet. A storm contained. Fireworks, rain after a drought. Most importantly: home. It had been years since Anakin had felt at home.  
  
Obi-Wan, however, was full of doubts. He couldn’t bring himself to talk to Anakin about them. Did he truly belong with Anakin and Padmé? Was he giving up the Order – his family – for Anakin? He had told Anakin that he would choose Anakin over the Order, but if it came down to it…  
  
Obi-Wan feared losing the only home he’d ever known.  
  
Yet Anakin had told Obi-Wan about Tatooine. One night, Anakin had opened up to Obi-Wan in a way Obi-Wan had never expected. He had known that Anakin kept secrets from him, but had never pressured Anakin to tell him.  
  
They were on a scouting mission in the Outer Rim together when Anakin had spoken with him. The past few nights, Anakin hadn’t slept well. Perhaps that had brought the past nightmares to Anakin’s mind. Or perhaps Anakin had simply wanted to tell Obi-Wan, and had only found the courage that night.  
  
They lay together, beneath the stars, alone. Anakin was curled up behind Obi-Wan, his hand on Obi-Wan’s hip. He kissed the back of Obi-Wan’s neck.  
  
“Do you remember when I last had nightmares?”  
  
“Nightmares?” Obi-Wan asked. He rolled over to face Anakin. “When was this?”  
  
Anakin traced a finger down Obi-Wan’s nose.  
  
“I was nineteen,” he said quietly. “Don’t you remember?” In a reasonable impression of Obi-Wan, he said, “‘Dreams pass, in time.’”  
  
Obi-Wan looked away. “Ah,” he said. “Yes. I remember. When that assassin was after Senator Amidala.”  
  
Anakin nodded. He brushed Obi-Wan’s bottom lip with his thumb.  
  
“Those nightmares… they were about Mom dying.”  
  
Obi-Wan took hold of Anakin’s hand.  
  
“And they got worse on Naboo, when I was with Padmé,” Anakin continued quietly. “I… had to go see her. I had to find out.”  
  
Obi-Wan watched him, his expression gentle.  
  
Anakin closed his eyes. He took a deep breath in. “When I got to Tatooine, I found out Watto had sold Mom.”  
  
“Watto?” Obi-Wan asked.  
  
Pain flickered across Anakin’s face. When he opened his eyes, his expression was blank. In a small, steady voice, he said, “He was my Master, when I was a slave.”  
  
“Ah,” said Obi-Wan. He had not gone into Mos Espa with Padmé and Qui-Gon, and had never met the Toydarian who had owned Anakin and his mother, Shmi.  
  
“He’d sold Mom to a moisture farmer on the outskirts of Mos Espa,” Anakin spoke carefully, watching Obi-Wan’s face. There was fear in his eyes, pain clear in his voice. “Padmé and I went to find them. Mom had been…” his voice cracked, and he closed his eyes again. “Mom had been taken by Tusken Raiders.”  
  
Anakin could feel Obi-Wan’s hand on his cheek, could hear Obi-Wan’s breath. He took a deep breath in and focused on Obi-Wan’s scent. It didn’t stop the tears.  
  
“Oh, Anakin,” Obi-Wan breathed.  
  
Anakin opened his eyes. “I don’t want pity, Obi-Wan,” he said.  
  
Obi-Wan frowned. “It’s not pity, Anakin,” he replied. “It’s sorrow. I can’t imagine…”  
  
“No,” Anakin said. “You can’t.”  
  
Obi-Wan sighed. Anakin took a hitching breath in. He couldn’t stop himself from crying, now. Obi-Wan squeezed his upper arm with a gentle pressure.  
  
“She died,” Anakin said hoarsely. “Mom. She died. The Tusken Raiders…”  
  
Obi-Wan sat up. Anakin glanced at him. Obi-Wan held out his arms, and Anakin sat up too, and curled up against Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan wrapped his arms around Anakin, holding him close. Obi-Wan rocked him as he sobbed, unable to speak as he recalled the night his mother had died.


	3. Chapter 3

When he closed his eyes he saw Shmi’s face, covered in blood and lacerations.  
  
Heard her voice;  
  
_My son…_  
  
No.  
  
_I’m so proud of you…_  
  
Please, no.  
  
_I missed you so much…_  
  
Please, please, no.  
  
_I love –_  
  
Felt her death like it was his own.  
  
Felt his rage flare like fire; pure, white-hot, all-consuming.  
  
His blade passing thought each Raider; men, women, children. Animals. They were animals.  
  
A familiar voice calling his name.  
  
_Anakin!_  
  
The warm weight of Shmi’s body in his arm as he carried her from the camp.  
  
The smell of blood in the air.  
  
Fear.  
  
The wind stinging his skin, the weight of his mother’s corpse on the back of his speeder, the twisting, hollow, biting pain consuming every inch of his being. A pain that had not left him since she had died.  
  
_Will I ever see you again?_  
  
_What does your heart say?_  
  
Digging her grave.  
  
_I hope so. Yes. I guess._  
  
_Then we will see each other again._  
  
Lowering her body into the earth.  
  
_I will become a Jedi and I_ will _come back and free you, Mom. I promise._  
  
Sitting by her grave, dirt trickling through a clenched fist.  
  
_Be brave, and don’t look back._  
  
Anger. Fear. Hatred.  
  
Padmé’s voice.  
  
And then; the distress call from Obi-Wan. No more time to mourn. No time at all.


	4. Chapter 4

Anakin took a deep, gulping breath in. Obi-Wan held him, his voice low and soothing, his hands warm. Obi-Wan stroked Anakin’s hair, rocking him gently.  
  
“I didn’t know,” said Obi-Wan. “Anakin, I’m so sorry.”  
  
“I killed them all, Obi-Wan,” Anakin said. “Every single Tusken Raider. I killed all of them.”  
  
A pause. Then, “Did it help?”  
  
Anakin, his eyes itchy, nose red and running, looked up at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan looked down at him with nothing but kindness in his eyes. Anakin shook his head.  
  
“No,” he said, his voice thick. “No, it didn’t.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” Obi-Wan said again. He brushed Anakin’s tears away with his thumb, and Anakin rested his head against Obi-Wan’s chest. “You shouldn’t have had to go through that.”  
  
“You’re not… you’re not mad at me?” How could he sound so small? Still such a child.  
  
“No, Anakin,” Obi-Wan kissed Anakin’s forehead. “I’m not mad at you.”  
  
“I shouldn’t have done what I did,” Anakin said.  
  
“But you did,” said Obi-Wan, his voice soft. “And there’s nothing you can do to change that.”  
  
They sat there, silently.  
  
“Are you disappointed?”  
  
Obi-Wan shook his head. “I… I failed you, Anakin,” he said. “If I had been a better mentor –”  
  
Anakin pulled away from Obi-Wan. “No,” he said, incredulous. “No, Obi-Wan, you’re… I couldn’t… without you…”  
  
Anakin shook his head, unable to form the right words. He cupped Obi-Wan’s cheek and leaned forward to kiss him. “Without you, Obi-Wan, I wouldn’t be half of what I am. You’re the best Jedi I’ve ever known.”  
  
Obi-Wan hadn’t replied to that.


	5. Chapter 5

Now, Anakin and Obi-Wan sat together, Anakin struggling to explain himself.  
  
“I shouldn’t be this angry,” he said. “Because then… then I hurt people.”  
  
This time Anakin allowed Obi-Wan to touch his shoulder.  
  
“I hurt you,” Anakin said quietly.  
  
“So this isn’t about Merrik?”  
  
Anakin glanced at him. “No,” he said. “I don’t care about that. I saved everyone.”  
  
“You know I’ve forgiven you, Anakin. As long as it doesn’t happen again.”  
  
Anakin sighed.  
  
“I… I can’t forgive myself,” he said. “You would… all be better off without me.”  
  
Obi-Wan scoffed. “That’s not true,” he said. “If I didn’t have you by my side, Anakin, things would be a lot worse. As Ahsoka’s mentor, you are doing a wonderful job, even if I don’t always agree with your methods. And… I’m sure that Padmé would agree with me, that without you, our lives would be duller.”  
  
Anakin shook his head. He stood up, and looked at Obi-Wan.  
  
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I think I need some time alone.”


	6. Chapter 6

There weren’t many places to hide in the Temple, especially for a fully-grown human. There weren’t many places Anakin felt at rest, regardless. Still, he walked through the hallways of the Temple, trying to find somewhere he could be alone.  
  
Despite the fact it was midnight Anakin passed Adi Gallia, who was meditating in the gardens. Then he left, to take a speeder from the docks. There were no restrictions on when a Jedi could leave the Temple. In a war, people came and went at all hours. It wasn’t unusual for Anakin to leave for a while, either. No one would ask questions.  
  
The air was cool on his skin as the speeder rose from the landing bay and into the sky. Coruscant, a planet of cities, was dazzlingly lit in the darkness. Anakin looked down, watching speeders zoom past through layer after layer of skyway lanes. No matter what sort of ship Anakin was in, flying always helped him relax.  
  
After a while, Anakin found himself flying through Coruscant’s Undercity. Looking around, he realised that he recognised his surroundings. It was a vague recognition, however, and the answer eluded him until he saw Club Kasakar.  
  
Ah.  
  
Anakin had been… twelve, when he had first come this far down into the Undercity. Chancellor Palpatine had taken him, to show him… something. Anakin knew they’d spoken about something. Corrupt politicians? It had been so long ago, and since then he’d had so many more conversations with the man. It was a shame that he didn’t get much time to spend with the Chancellor, as Palpatine was the closest thing Anakin had to a father.  
  
He wondered briefly what had drawn him to the club. He felt no desire to drink, or dance, or even talk to other people. Still, his instincts rarely led him wrong. Anakin set the speeder down in a free space, making sure that thieves wouldn’t be able to take it. Anakin knew how easy it was to ‘borrow’ a speeder. Then he headed towards the club on foot, to see what exactly had brought him there.


	7. Chapter 7

After Anakin left the room, Obi-Wan got out of bed. He dressed, then made his way down to the library, stopping past the kitchens for a hot chocolate. Anakin would come back eventually. He always did. There was no point in worrying.  
  
Yet he worried about Anakin often.  
  
Obi-Wan took a seat at one of the computers. Taking a sip from his drink, he opened a document he’d been studying, and turned his attention to it.  
  
He couldn’t focus. Usually he could exist in the moment, turn his mind to a task that needed doing, but he could only think of Anakin. Anyone could have sensed the stress radiating from him, not just Obi-Wan. Faintly, Obi-Wan could still feel Anakin’s presence. There was anger, yes, but confusion. Turmoil.  
  
Obi-Wan sighed. He wasn’t going to get any reading done. He wasn’t sure if he should follow Anakin; after all, Anakin had said he wanted to be left alone. So where could he go? Once, he would have filed everything away and try to pretend things were okay. Now, he wasn’t so sure he could.  
  
With a sigh, Obi-Wan called Padmé on his comm.  
  
“Obi-Wan?” she sounded tired. “What’s wrong?”  
  
“Senator Amidala,” Obi-Wan said. “Do you mind if I come over?”  
  
“Of course not,” said Padmé. “Is everything okay?”  
  
“I’m… I don’t know,” said Obi-Wan.  
  
“Come over then,” said Padmé. “Is Anakin okay?”  
  
“He’s gone out,” Obi-Wan said, exhaustion clear in his voice. “He said he wanted to be alone.”  
  
There was a pause that lasted longer than Obi-Wan liked.  
  
Then, finally; “I hope he’s not doing anything dangerous,” Padmé sighed. “I’ll see you soon, Obi-Wan.”  
  
“Thank you,” said Obi-Wan.


	8. Chapter 8

The music was loud, overwhelming, the lights bright and painful. Anakin wove through the crowd with a light, practiced step, avoiding touching anyone. He wasn’t quite sure how he would react if anyone paid attention to him. Perhaps violently. Perhaps he would shut down. Anakin had a hard time knowing how he would react to things.  
  
Despite attracting a few looks – he was, after all, famous – no one spoke to him. He sat down in a discreet booth, and watched the patrons. Gambling, dancing, drinking, drugs. Shady deals beneath bright lights. Several politicians Anakin recognised, of course. Orn Free Taa, the Twi’lek Senator, was gambling with the Roonan Senator Edcel Bar Gane. Nothing to be done about that.  
  
What had brought him here? There was something, in the Force. He could sense it.  
  
Nothing stood out to him. Club Kasakar hadn’t changed much since he was a child. Maybe it was a little cleaner. Didn’t make up for the scum that frequented it.  
  
_Anakin._  
  
That was a voice he recognised - but who was it?  
  
_Anakin._  
  
Again. Who was that? It spoke to him through the Force. Why would it have brought him to this Club, unless it had something to do with Palpatine?  
  
There – a feeling.  
  
Anakin saw a Chagrian disappear into a back room. Anakin stood, and headed towards the room as nonchalantly as he could manage. No one gave him a second glance. He took a drink from a tray and leaned against the wall, far enough from the door it wouldn’t be suspicious, close enough to listen. It would be handy to have Ahsoka around – her montrals gave her much better at hearing than his human ears allowed, even when he focused them with the Force.  
  
“… Muun are on their way,” a faint voice said. There was something interfering with Anakin’s hearing. “The representative from the… can’t make it, she’s otherwise occupied… Tyranus will attend our meeting over the holoprojector.”  
  
“Good,” a second, familiar voice answered.  
  
Anakin frowned. His skin crawled with an urge to flee. Something was pressing against his mind, something sinister. Fear slowly spread from his chest, through his limbs, chilling him.  
  
“There has been dissent... People considering, discussing… fear one another, or this war will end too...”  
  
Then Anakin’s heart stopped as the second voice said, “Someone is listening.”  
  
He turned away from the door, and walked as calmly as he could in the opposite direction. Something was happening – potentially a threat to the Republic. That much was clear. He considered contacting Obi-Wan, or the Temple, but he wanted to know more before he jumped to conclusions. Other than the word ‘Tyranus,’ nothing had raised alarm bells in Anakin’s mind. He wasn’t quite sure where he’d heard that name before.  
  
It would probably be a good idea to talk to Obi-Wan.  
  
First, Anakin had to leave the Undercity without being caught by whoever he’d eavesdropped on. There was no doubt in his mind they were evil. Nothing good gave off that kind of feeling.


	9. Chapter 9

Padmé opened the door for Obi-Wan, and ushered him inside. She was wearing a dressing gown, her feet in fluffy slippers, her hair loose over her shoulders. As usual, she looked better rested than Obi-Wan.  
  
“Do you want something to drink? Or eat?” Padmé offered, as Obi-Wan took a seat on her couch.  
  
He shook his head. Padmé sat down on the couch beside him, and held her arm out invitingly. Obi-Wan hesitated a moment, then allowed himself to sink into her embrace. Resting his head on her shoulder, Obi-Wan sighed.  
  
“Did you and Anakin have another fight?” Padmé asked quietly.  
  
“I don’t think so,” said Obi-Wan. “He was… upset, I believe, about my past with Satine.”  
  
“Satine…” Padmé thought for a moment. Then, “The Duchess of Mandalore?” she couldn’t hide the amusement in her tone. Obi-Wan drew away from her, to look at her face. She was smiling.  
  
“Yes,” he said, his voice guarded. “The Duchess of Mandalore.”  
  
Padmé patted his cheek playfully. “Don’t be offended,” she said. “I had just… I’d always assumed Anakin was your first.”  
  
Obi-Wan blushed, looking away from Padmé.  
  
“So, Satine?” Padmé leaned back on the couch. “Anakin’s jealous of her?”  
  
“I think so,” Obi-Wan replied quietly. “And I think he feels some guilt for killing Tal Merrik. Or, rather, I hope he does. Taking a life should not be a simple act.”  
  
Padmé remained silent. She knew what had happened on their trip from Mandalore to Coruscant. Anakin had filled her in, and Obi-Wan had provided the details Anakin had conveniently forgotten.  
  
“He mentioned Shmi,” Obi-Wan continued, after a moment. “And he brought up… the time he hurt me. I don’t understand why he continues to think of these things. They’re in the past – he can’t change them. Ruminating over them will only make him more upset.”  
  
Padmé sighed. Tucking her legs beneath her, she cuddled against Obi-Wan, resting her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her.  
  
“I don’t think he knows how to forgive himself,” Padmé said quietly. “I’ve noticed… any mistake he makes he considers more of a failure than if someone else made the same mistake. I don’t know if it’s that he holds himself to a higher standard than he does others, or if he criticises himself so harshly because he doesn’t know another way to treat himself.”  
  
Now it was Obi-Wan’s turn to remain silent. Padmé might not be accusing Obi-Wan directly, but Obi-Wan had taught Anakin. Force, he had practically raised him. Was this a reflection of Obi-Wan’s own failings?  
  
“Is that common?” Padmé asked.  
  
“Hm?” Obi-Wan looked down at her, distracted by his own thoughts.  
  
“That self-criticism,” Padmé explained. “Is it common amongst Jedi? I’ve noticed Ahsoka does the same, sometimes.”  
  
“We hold ourselves to a certain standard, yes,” Obi-Wan said slowly. “Anakin has always been more… emotionally volatile than other Jedi. I’ve tried to teach him control, but he’s impulsive, and acts on instinct rather than thinking things through. Other Jedi – other Masters and the Padawans he grew up with – treated him differently. He was different. Even if he had come to us at the right age, the fact that he could be considered the Chosen One… that would have set him apart.”  
  
“So you don’t criticise yourself?” Padmé sounded sceptical.  
  
“Not to the same extent, Padmé,” Obi-Wan replied. “I must always be mindful of my actions and when I reflect upon the choice I’ve made, it’s important that I try to see what I could have done differently. Better.”  
  
“So why is Anakin different?” Padmé asked quietly. It sounded as if she were asking herself, rather than Obi-Wan. “Maybe it has something to do with his childhood.”  
  
“Well, he refuses to talk about it,” said Obi-Wan tiredly. “And I can’t make him. You may have noticed, Padmé, that Anakin has a stubborn streak a mile wide.”  
  
Padmé chuckled. “I had, actually,” she said. “Maybe he’ll speak with both of us?”  
  
“We can try,” said Obi-Wan. He sighed, his shoulders falling. “I’m worried about him, Padmé. He can take care of himself, but he so often doesn’t.”  
  
Padmé her fingers between his. “I’m sure he’ll be here soon enough,” she said. “If he was as worked up as you say, he won’t want to return to the Temple.”


	10. Chapter 10

Anakin didn’t want to go back to the Temple, despite the fact he was aching to seek comfort from Obi-Wan. There was someone tailing him, and he wanted to interrogate them before he left the Undercity. If he stopped, they stopped, too. He’d have to catch them off guard if he wanted to get his hands on them.  
  
Anakin turned into a blind alley and ducked behind a bin. As he’d expected, his stalker came around the corner a moment later. A small, boxy droid hovering above the ground, scanning the alley with red eyes. Anakin pulled it towards him with the Force, turning it as he grabbed it so it couldn’t see his face. The droid twisted in his grip, trying to escape, but Anakin was too strong.  
  
“Why are you following me?” he growled.  
  
The droid beeped fearfully, gushing a terrified string of information in Binary. Even Anakin, with his fluency in the droid language, struggled to keep up.  
  
With a tinge of regret, Anakin pulled a panel on the droid open using the Force. A quick adjustment, and the droid would forget everything it had seen and heard. It would likely wander back to its master, unable to report the night’s events. Anakin hoped it would be okay.  
  
Sitting against the wall of the alleyway, Anakin put his head in his hands. It had been a long night, and he was exhausted. A weight settled on his shoulders as he began to cry, his knees pulled to his chest. He wrapped his arms around his legs, and rested his head on his knees. Sobs wracked his body, gasping breaths hitching in his throat. The sorrow he felt was overwhelming; the deepest shade of blue, the sensation of being trapped beneath the earth, a hopelessness that left an aching hole inside his chest.  
  
Padmé. Padmé was always able to comfort him, to help him find quiet. She never seemed bothered when Anakin came to her door at odd hours.  
  
Taking a deep, sniffling breath in, Anakin got to his feet. Wiping the tears from his cheeks, he headed for his speeder.


	11. Chapter 11

The knock at the door startled both Padmé and Obi-Wan awake. They had fallen asleep resting against one another.  
  
As they shared a look, Padmé said, “That’ll be Anakin.”  
  
Padmé got to her feet, stretching, and made her way to the door. She was not Force-sensitive, not like the Jedi, but she could sense Anakin’s presence. After so long together, and with Anakin so strong in the Force, it was no wonder Padmé could sense him.  
  
The door slid open, and Anakin stepped inside, pulling Padmé into a warm hug. He breathed in her scent, closing his eyes. She put her arms around his waist, resting her head against his solid chest.  
  
Obi-Wan watched them silently, feeling as though he was intruding. When Anakin opened his eyes, however, he smiled sadly, and Obi-Wan knew the sorrow wasn’t for him. Anakin was glad to see him.  
  
Anakin let go of Padmé, and she took his hand in hers. They sat down beside Obi-Wan, Anakin in the middle. Padmé curled up beneath Anakin’s arm, and Anakin pulled Obi-Wan to him. Obi-Wan shifted to a comfortable position, resting his head against Anakin’s shoulder, his hand on Anakin’s chest.  
  
“Are you okay?” he asked quietly.  
  
He could feel the waves of sadness rolling off Anakin, but wanted to give the man a chance to speak for himself.  
  
“I don’t know,” Anakin said.  
  
Padmé squeezed his hand gently.  
  
“Does the name ‘Tyranus’ mean anything to you?” he asked Obi-Wan.  
  
Obi-Wan considered for a moment. “The name sounds familiar,” he said slowly.  
  
“I thought so too,” said Anakin. “But I can’t place it.”  
  
“Where did you hear it?”  
  
Anakin shook his head. “Club Kasakar, of all places.”  
  
“What were you doing there?” Padmé asked curiously.  
  
“I had a feeling,” Anakin replied quietly.  
  
Obi-Wan leaned back to search Anakin’s face. “A feeling?”  
  
Anakin smiled at Obi-Wan’s sceptical look. “Not _that_ sort of feeling, Obi-Wan,” he said. “A Force feeling. You know?”  
  
Obi-Wan returned the smile, and rested his hand on Anakin’s knee. Cuddling up to Anakin once more, he said, “So what happened?”  
  
Anakin described the events of the night to Obi-Wan and Padmé. When he was finished, Obi-Wan had a thoughtful frown on his face. Padmé got up, asking if they wanted a drink. Obi-Wan requested tea, but Anakin said he was fine. Obi-Wan moved away from Anakin, getting to his feet to stretch.  
  
“You didn’t overhear anything that would give us sufficient reason to investigate,” Obi-Wan said, stroking his beard. “And it sounds as though you were spotted –”  
  
“They didn’t see my face!” Anakin protested. Padmé returned with two drinks, handing the tea to Obi-Wan. He nodded at her, and placed it on the table to cool.  
  
“Be that as it may,” said Obi-Wan, as Padmé took a seat next to Anakin. “We must assume that whoever was meeting in that back room will be on high alert.”  
  
“Obi-Wan, I felt… when I was there, I felt such an awful presence. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”  
  
“What could that mean?” Padmé asked.  
  
Obi-Wan stopped pacing, folding his arms across his chest. “A few years ago, before the Clone Wars had started, Count Dooku told me there was a Sith Lord in control of the Republic. I didn’t believe him at the time, but…”  
  
“A Sith Lord?” Padmé asked, puzzled. “Surely the Jedi would have noticed that.”  
  
“There are ways to hide yourself in the Force, if you know how,” Anakin explained, turning to look at her. “If they were strong enough… but if a Sith Lord has been here all this time, they wouldn’t be dumb enough to slip up like this.”  
  
“Maybe it wasn’t a Sith, then,” Padmé offered. “Would anything else give off such a feeling?”  
  
“Only something truly evil,” Anakin muttered.  
  
Obi-Wan took his tea in both hands and sipped it. “There doesn’t seem to be much we can do, short of warning the Order,” he said. “And I’ve already done that, following my altercation with Jango Fett on Kamino.”  
  
He frowned.  
  
“What is it?” Anakin prompted.  
  
“I thought I had it there, for a moment,” Obi-Wan said. He looked up at Anakin, whose eyes were shining. “Tyranus, wasn’t it?”  
  
Anakin nodded, leaning forward expectantly.  
  
“I’m sure Jango mentioned this Tyranus… and the Sith were tied into this, too,” Obi-Wan’s frown grew. Then he shook his head. “I will speak with Master Yoda in the morning,” he said. “Anakin, I will need you with me, to tell them what you heard and felt.”  
  
Anakin looked away, his expression turning sour. “They won’t believe me,” he said. “They don’t trust me.”  
  
Padmé rested her hand on the back of Anakin’s neck. Such a simple, intimate gesture that brought some measure of comfort to him. Her fingers massaged the base of his neck gently, and he lowered his head, closing his eyes.  
  
“They do trust you, Anakin,” Obi-Wan said gently. Anakin felt the cushion dip as Obi-Wan sat beside him. Obi-Wan’s warm hand touched Anakin’s.  
  
Anakin opened his eyes to look at Obi-Wan. “No,” he said. “They don’t. I can sense it.”  
  
“Well,” Obi-Wan said. “I will vouch for you, Anakin. You have my support. This is something that needs to be brought to light, however vague the details.”  
  
“I can speak with the Chancellor,” Padmé said.  
  
Obi-Wan glanced at her. “I don’t think that would be wise,” he said. “The Sith are dangerous. If they suspect that Palpatine knows, it will put his life in danger.”  
  
Anakin started at that. “Is Padmé in danger?” he asked sharply.  
  
Obi-Wan sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “I believe we are safe, for now,” he said. “Or, Padmé and I are, at least. You may be in danger, Anakin.”  
  
Anakin scoffed. “What’s new?”  
  
“Ani…” Padmé sounded tired. “Don’t. Please.”  
  
Anakin put his head in his hands. “I’m exhausted,” he said quietly. “Can we sleep here tonight?”  
  
Padmé began to answer, but Obi-Wan spoke first. “I’m sorry, Anakin,” he said. “The Council expects us to be in the Temple. We don't want to rouse suspicion.”  
  
Anakin groaned, sitting back. “Right,” he said. Getting to his feet, he turned to kiss Padmé. “I love you,” he said.  
  
Padmé smiled, placing a hand on Anakin’s cheek. “I love you too,” she said. “You two stay safe, okay?”  
  
Anakin returned the smile, kissing her once more before heading to the door. Obi-Wan took a moment to hug Padmé in farewell. She watched them leave, Obi-Wan following Anakin. The door slid shut behind them.  
  
Padmé walked to her bedroom, the light in the sitting room shutting off as she left. It was difficult, sleeping alone, despite the fact that this was so often the case. As a Queen, her Handmaidens had often kept her company. Before that, as a child, she had shared a room with her older sister, Sola.  
  
Only as a Senator, in a secret marriage, had Padmé been made to sleep alone. She found it had to fall asleep some nights, imagining Anakin beside her – and lately, Obi-Wan. She had not seen Sabé in a long while, and there was no one else she was really interested in spending time with.  
  
A Sith in the Republic, somehow pulling the strings. Anakin had mentioned a Chagrian. Palpatine’s most trusted advisor, Mas Amedda, was of that species. If she told Palpatine, Mas Amedda would surely find out. Obi-Wan was right. It wasn’t safe to speak of such things. She just hoped there would be time to look into this suspicious activity. Hopefully the Jedi Council would treat it seriously. Hopefully it could be solved peacefully.  
  
Padmé had known for a long time that the corruption in the Republic ran deep. She had worked hard alongside trusted friends; namely Bail Organa and Mon Mothma, to turn the tide. Yet her efforts so often seemed in vain. If there was truly a mastermind behind this war, then there was a chance they were playing both sides. If the Republic had been hoodwinked, then the Separatists may have been, too.  
  
How far back did this go? How long had these plans been in motion?  
  
Padmé lay down on her bed, her head full of thoughts. For a while, she simply stared at the ceiling, wondering. How many missions failed because of sabotage? How many deaths had been orchestrated by these invisible hands? How much needless bloodshed?  
  
With a sigh, Padmé resolved to think on it in the morning. Satine would address the Senate the next day, regarding the situation on Mandalore. Padmé had to be there, to support the Duchess’ cause. Mandalore was one of the few neutral systems left in the Galaxy, refusing to take part in the war between the Separatists and Republic. Padmé admired her, although they had not spoken often.  
  
Anakin’s jealousy of the Duchess didn’t surprise Padmé. His relationship with Obi-Wan was more complicated than his relationship with herself. Anakin feared losing Padmé, but he knew she wouldn’t leave him for another person. They had spoken about that, with regards to Sabé, and other lovers Padmé had taken. She understood his fear; she had felt it when she had realised Anakin was in love with Obi-Wan.  
  
In the end, it had been Padmé who pushed Obi-Wan and Anakin together. Anakin’s blunt honesty hadn’t served him in that case, so Padmé had spoken openly with Obi-Wan. She smiled at that memory. Obi-Wan Kenobi, always so composed, had blushed and stuttered his way through that conversation like a teenage boy.  
  
Of course he’d known – he had simply told himself, over and over, that it wasn’t right. Not the Jedi way. Not thinking of how much it would help Anakin to know he was loved so, but thinking of the Order that dictated his life.  
  
It had taken some convincing, but Padmé had driven Obi-Wan into Anakin’s arms. As she had expected, Anakin had fallen quickly into his own desires.  
  
To Padmé’s surprise, Obi-Wan had started to open up to her more. He spoke with her of fears he could bring nowhere else. More than once, she had found herself reassuring him that both she and Anakin wanted him. She wasn’t sure how Obi-Wan could have any doubts about Anakin’s love for him.  
  
Then there were his fears that this made him a bad Jedi. That he was somehow breaking the Code to be with them.  
  
Padmé rolled onto her side, closing her eyes. So many things to deal with, and on top of that, she had to continue her work as Senator for Naboo. She needed more time, and that was the one thing she couldn’t get.  
  
Before she fell asleep, Padmé decided she would personally look into the situation Anakin had brought to light. If she could find a moment to spare.


End file.
